i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
