This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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