Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
