I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
