She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
