I hate your face
where am i from again
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
