...so i touched it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
