dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
