i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
