I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
