the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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