I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
