I am puke
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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