guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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