sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
