Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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