The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
