Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize