so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm passing your future prison.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
