this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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