I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
