I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
