I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
