ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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