He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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