i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
