do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
