We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
