I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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