im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
