You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize