I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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