I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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