my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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