How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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