Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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