She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
this is an emotional support booty call
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
