go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
