It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
