Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
