I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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