Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is my gift to your gina
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
