Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do herpes really smell.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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