foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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