I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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