I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
