Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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