I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
