you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
