Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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