tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
