She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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