When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
