Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
