I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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