we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
