rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
