so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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