great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
