Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
