I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
