Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
