Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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