i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
