p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
