i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
