My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
