yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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