pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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