Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thank you for not boning my boss.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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