my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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